I went into the emotions when it happened.
I suddenly remembered how proud I was!
I remembered how happy and eager I was and how I enjoyed it…
until the disaster. I failed! It
was all my fault! It felt like a total disaster. There was nobody to comfort me, only one who
wanted to punish me. I
remember, I did not dare to tell my parents.
I understood why I had become in this bad mood and why I had
lost all my guts that day.
I had affirmed for myself the whole day that "I am proud of
the one I am…" In that memory I felt that my pride of being good
led to disaster and punishment…
This is what I call a gordian
knot. A good positive
feeling and loving intention ended up in a painful experience which created a
painful pattern that subconsciously states:
"This is the way it is!"
Such Gordian knots are irrational and a real challenge to
see unless you understand the nature of the soul.
The soul's subconscious is actually the particle level of
ourselves. Our soul doesn't have the ability to
think rationally when it comes to gordian knots. Therefore the pain we experiences becomes a rule
that makes us repeat exactly the pain we feel at a subconscious
level.. as if it is the truth... until it is released.
I needed to go back
to the feelings at the moment when it happened. In this case the
pattern I created was like
this: "When I am proud and happy to help, I make a mistake and
people get angry at me and want to punish me".
Later in my life, this pattern (the rule in my
subconscious) made me create a failure and subconsciously
expect that people would get angry and punish me when I was
proud of myself and happy to help.
realized several things that had happened in my life that had
shown me this pattern. Many
pictures from my life popped up along the way.
Remember! When admitting the
feelings loud to ourselves, it is not the truth! It is the
feeling about a painful situation that needs to be looked
closer at to make us able to release and let go of the pain.
As this was a
I used the realizing key about the situation in this way,
including both positive and negative things in the same
"I realize that I feel that I
make mistakes when I am proud of being good.
I realize that I feel that I will be punished when I am proud of
being ‘one of the gang’.
I realize that I feel that when I am eager and proud, something
I realize that I feel, that when I am proud to be the one I am, I
do a mistake and deserve punishment.
I realize that I feel that I deserve punishment when I do my best.
I realize that I am afraid that the boy is going to beat me.
"Still, I wasn’t through.
When I started the second key about forgiveness, the pain
wallowed through me again and I decided to use
The inner child
In my imagination, I
went out of myself as a child and then approached the little me
as the adult person I am now. I sat down to talk to little
She was still terrified!
I told her that this was an accident that could happen to
anybody. I told her I
had seen how good she was to throw the wooden sticks.
explained everything for her.
I told her it was nice that she is proud about
herself. She argued against
She sobbed and was convinced that she deserved nothing but
punishment! I didn’t give up, but said to her:
"I love you just the way you are.
It doesn’t matter that the window is broken.
I love you even if you feel that you get punished because
you are proud of being good…" at last I got her confident and
joyful so that I could take her on my lap and hold my arms around
At last she wanted to live in
my heart for ever."
need to try out many sentences to hit the feelings.
What is very important, to be able to release gordian knots, is
to make sentences that include both the loving intention and the
negative outcome... We need to empty ourselves of the grief and
anger...Then the irrational pattern dissolves! Do this very
thoroughly. Those sentences that feel right, we need to repeat
until the painful feelings fade… This is the kind of patterns
that create angst - irrational fear.
Releasing the inner child, we go into the picture as our adult
self today. Approach the child in the situation and remove all
the people who were present. Be there in the present. Sit down
with him/her and ask if she wants to sit on your lap. You
need to take plenty of time for this. And you really need to
take your inner child seriously. The situation is real! Tell
him/her first of all that you love him/her, exactly the way they
are. Tell him/her that you love them even if they feel... all
the feelings you just realized you had - and even if they feel that they don't
deserve love. Use all the love you have in your heart and all
ways of comfort. (You can hold your arms around a big cushion
and pretend it is you when you were small, it helps your
Then, when the child has calmed down, you need to take a look at
Be the child again and feel what and who you need to forgive...
First of all your self and your own feelings that is not love
If it is difficult to forgive those who caused the pain, go to the higher perspective and see that
those who hurt you had their baggage of pain making them do what
they did. See them in front of you and tell them from your heart
that you forgive them!
Take your time and cry all the tears you need to cry. Tell them
your pain, if you need. If you hit upon even more hatred or
aggression, go back to the realizing situation again and repeat
until you have emptied yourself. Know that you do a great favour
to yourself first of all, lifting off this burden.
This really works. Now, when you feel the child on your lap
again, you will feel how he/she is able to relax and feel love.
If you at any time are so overwhelmed by grief that you cannot
stop crying, take a break. Have something to eat or drink. Take
a break away from the situation. The break helps your soul to
calm. When you continue after half an hour, you will feel that
the wounds may be healed and you can move
Now you ask your inner child if she wants to live in your heart.
If you are through, they says yes! Then you and your inner child
create a room in your heart. The room is just the way the child
want it to be. Spend time for this also! When the child has
jumped from your lap (in your imagination) and started to enjoy being in the room, you
can ask him/her: Can I go on now? If you are through, they will
say that it is OK and you will feel that it is really OK. Be
true to yourself. Tell them that you can come to visit them
whenever they wishes.
Now you are back to your adult self. You lie still for a while
and feel the love for yourself. Be love. Take a look back at the
situation that you have worked through. Is there any kind of
feelings still hurting? If you have worked thoroughly, there
isn't. Be proud of yourself!
You are through!